It's in the past...right??-Advice on Just How Much of Your Past You Should Disclose to Your Current or Future Partner

Good Morning beautiful people! Today I want to touch on the subject of just how much of your past you should reveal to the person you are currently with or plan to be with in the future. I give advice a lot, and I do mean A LOT! This subject has to be the 4th most talked about thing I have encountered in conversations with people I have come across, because everybody tends to have the same opinion about this, from what I've seen, until they actually are questioned about their past from their lover. Everyone I have run into has this idea that "well it was before you, so it shouldn't concern you" or "it's my business, I don't go looking into what you'd done before you met me". And in some cases this is true. It will always be YOUR past and YOUR business, however certain things are Many people claim to not care about what their significant other did before they met them. This is SUPER common UNTIL the shoe is on the other foot. Oh, what's that you ask? How can the shoe be on the other foot? Well sure I'll give you an example since you've begged me!

Exhibit A:

Girlfriend: Honey what do you want for dinner?

Boyfriend: How about the same shit you cooked John Doe when you were with him?

Girlfriend: Huh? What are you talking about?

Boyfriend: Yeah, I found out yall used to kick it. (I'm really forcing it here lol) Why didn't you tell me? Thats my frat brother.

Girlfriend: How in the hell was I supposed to know you knew John? That was years ago when I was in college, long before I met you.

Boyfriend: Well, you still should have told me. Now everytime I see my boys they're gonna be cracking jokes on me, especially him. (stomps off)

Girlfriend: *rolls eyes* Bye Felicia. (couldnt help this part)

Now yes, something's we can not control. If you don't know, how would you be able to tell your significant other? But there are signs. Like for instance, when Girlfriend found out her Boyfriend's frat, she could have carefully and strategically suggested that she used to date someone of the same frat. Would this have broken them up? Maybe. Who knows. The Guy Code is tricky sometimes. Now I bet all the women are like, "No I wouldn't have done that. I can't help that I dated someone he knew." Okay, now let's turn the story around. :)



Exhibit B:

Girlfriend: (Comes in the house pissed and heads straight for the living room where boyfriend is watching game with his home boy(s) and stands straight in front of the TV with her hands on her hips)

Boyfriend: Hey baby. How was work? (carefully because he knows that look and he doesnt want to get embarrassed mean while his home boy pulls out his phone and pretends to look for something because he knows that look too lmao)

Girlfriend: Oh it was great. (sarcastically of course) I ran into your little "friend" today.

Boyfriend: What friend?

Girlfriend: Jane (raises eyebrows)

Boyfriend: (Remembers jane but tries to pretend not to) Jane who?

Girlfriend: Damn how many janes you know? Jane Doe.

Boyfriend: Oh her. (downplays it) What about her?

Girlfriend: Yeah, oh her. Mm hm. Why you didn't tell me ya'll used to talk? I had to find out from all them other petty ass women in my department. No wonder she was always giving me side looks.

Boyfriend: How was I supposed to know ya'll worked together? I didn't know you knew her.

Girlfriend: Now all them little hoes at work gon' have something to say, because everybody knew but me. Thats the shit I be talking about. (stomps off to call home girl and bitch about it)

Boyfriend: (looks at homeboy whose laughing) Man shut up. She trippin.

Homeboy: Man Jane ass used to be fine as hell.


Hahahahaha that story was such a force, but don't act like thats not how we are especially when it comes to something concerning our men. Just like Girlfriend in Exhibit A could have asked about the frat, Boyfriend in Exhibit B could have asked about the job.

You see people, after hearing different stories, a few things I have found out are:

*If people won't ever get found out, they won't ever tell

*Pride and embarrassment fuel a man's reasoning for wanting to know

*Selfishness and embarrassment fuel a woman's reasoning for wanting to know

Those previous stories were stories that basically couldn't have been helped. But on a serious note there are certain things you should share about your past with your significant others such as:

• If you've had a sex change. This is important because you do not want to deceive someone into loving you without giving them the full you.
• If you've had children that you've either given up, or do not take care of.
• If you're HIV positive or have some type sexually transmitted disease that can not be cured. It is important to keep others safe as well as yourself
• If you've had/or have a stalker, or crazy ex, or baby mom/dad who won't leave you alone. These people cause more problems than you know.
• If you've been to prison, and for what crimes.
• If you've had sex with or dated a close friend, family member, or anything like that, to your significant other.
• If you've done porn.

Now everything else I feel, strictly my opinion, is solely up to you in disclosing. Especially if they are not on that list. However, one of the thing not on my list is, of course, SEXUAL HISTORY. If you don't fall into the top list, in my opinion, you're sexual history is your business and should not be disclosed unless you want it to. For the more popular girls or guys (who lived a little more than people felt they should) there may be times where someone or someoneS know your significant other and of course gossip. At that time you should be completely honest, but use discretion. Remember, we all had a little ho in us at some point. (Yes, she said Ho) You can not be embarrassed about your life, however your significant other can sometimes. So be as honest as your relationship currently allows, and communicate, this way there aren't any skeletons that someone can expose.

Wow this was long. I had such a fun time doing it! LOL. I laughed alot too. Okay well, I'm sure there are alot of opinions (agreeing and disagreeing) So feel free to comment, and leave your opinion. Nothing too disrespectful or crazy. My delete button works. Also, I'm sure there are some other things that should be listed on the mandatory do tell list. List them if I missed them! Love you guys. God Bless, and THANKS FOR READING.